Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Change Your Perspective and Change Your Life

This past Sunday we spent the day on a Dive Boat. 
My hubby had 2 students who needed to finish their certification before their trip to Tahiti. 
The women was the most kindest and thoughtful woman I have met. 

She was so grateful that Oscar puts so much of his time, patience and passion into his students. 
She had so many wonderful things to say that all I could do was break into tears after our conversation.  There has been some heartbreaking things going on in the lives of some of our family and friends that an overwhelming amount of guilt rushed over me. 

There was a time when I took ALL I had for granted and in that moment my heart broke, not for me but for them.  Their story is not mine to share but I pray daily for God to give them strength to make it through their current struggle. Little do they know how much they inspire me with their courage. 

Two years ago I was in a place in my life where I just thought "This is it? This is my life?" 
Becoming a mom was one of the greatest gifts that could have been given to me but it came at a price that I didn't expect...losing myself...I felt like I had given up everything about me so that I could be a wife and a mom...I left my job, we moved 50 miles away from friends and family so we could make it all work. The dream of being home with my babies as a stay at home mom was turning into a nightmare. As the weeks and months and years passed I no longer recognized the woman staring back at me in the mirror. She was bitter, jealous and the anxiety and stress I felt just to run a simple errand with two little ones in toe would make me sick to my stomach...literally. Days would pass where I would barely say a word to my husband until one day it just felt like it was coming to an end.

The thought of breaking up our little family was the catalyst to my change in lifestyle. 
The "old" Marianna looked to food and alcohol for comfort. I would spend hours surfing on line or watching TV and feeding the very thing that was causing me all my problems and insecurities. 
My husband wasn't the problem, neither were my kids...The REAL person I was angry with was myself...for not fighting for my family sooner.  My husband dealt with the stress by putting his passion into something he loved...Scuba!

I resented him so much for this. He was off having fun and I was home with two kids, it's not that he left me behind....I could have joined him anytime but I CHOSE NOT TO...the reason, the REAL reason was because I did not feel comfortable in my own body and it my own physical capabilities to put myself through the stress and what I was sure to be utter humiliation.

 I realized how badly I was heading down the wrong path...So I evaluated the pros and cons of my current situation and made a plan to fix it...MY FAMILY WAS WORTH ME FIXING! If being 80lbs overweight is what was keeping me from really LIVING then I needed to change my lifestyle and SO I DID!

Here I am 65lbs healthier, fitter and a certified Rescue Diver <<-- that's right, I got the skillz to save a life if need be. Not that I ever want to use those skills if you know what I mean ;)  The sport that I once was jealous of for taking my husband's time, love and money..lol Is now one of my favorite Hobbies and something we get to SHARE TOGETHER.

I always dreamed of having a loving husband, children and just living life so passionately that everything you do is an adventure. I ALMOST let it get away, and I thank God everyday for giving me strength when I needed it, and hope when I would lose it because I would not change my life now for anything in the world.

Stop living a nightmare of poor health, unhealthy relationships and a negative mindset. 
No one will change your life for you except YOU. 
It doesn't happen overnight but it will happen. 
You just have to fight for it and never lose sight of your goal!

No comments:

Post a Comment