Monday, November 10, 2014

Turning Fear into Courage

I've been putting in some more time out in the ocean lately, I joke and say it's to earn my Cheat Meal  afterwards but the reality is, I LOVE IT! 

 This has become my favorite thing do for a "date" with my husband.  
Just two years ago I would have scoffed at the idea of me joining my husband on one if his dives.  That scoff, in reality was just silent cry of fear...

There's a funny thing about Fear. We all have felt it at some point in our lives. 
We're all taught from a young age that Fear means something Dangerous.
 But that is not always the case.   Fear is not real, it is a product of the thoughts you create. 
Don't misunderstand me, Danger is very real, but Fear is a choice.  

Sometimes it's Fear that can serve as your compass and
 steer you in the direction where you need to grow.  

Little did I know how much I, WE needed to grow...

A couple years ago my husband had this 'crazy' idea for us to get certified together as scuba divers. We were new parents and I had just left my job to stay home and raise our daughter...can you guess what my initial reaction was? It was not on board, but when my husband asked for the cert as Christmas gift I couldn't say no.  He's a loving, devoted & faithful husband and father. I love him. 
 But at the time I also began to hold onto a lot of anger and it began to turn into resentment. 
 It's not that he went on and did it without me, it's that I made him to it alone.  He tried to talk to me, reassure me that I had nothing to Fear....but my FEAR was bigger than I imagined.  

 I blamed my fear on the ocean..
But I knew deep down that thing I was really afraid of was coming to terms
 with the fact that I was uncomfortable in my own body.

 I was 70lbs overweight, I could barely make it up the flight of stairs in
 our home without getting winded or much less 
  walk around the block without getting utterly exhausted.

I let FEAR control my emotions, and my actions. 
 I then let FEAR turn into resentment and anger towards my husband. 
This and the added daily life struggles made for some scary, life shaking moments in our Marriage. 

I thank God everyday for putting him in my life, he's not perfect, and neither am I.  
But our love and commitment to on another and our family was enough to be open, honest and work towards finding a balance where we could both be happy.
 He really is my rock, and I'm incredibly blessed to have  him by my side on this crazy ride.

I always talk about how Fitness saved my life, but I believe it was the FEAR I had of losing the most important thing in my life that gave me the COURAGE to accept it was time for a change. 


My weight has been the hardest challenge I have faced in my entire life.  I have dealt with it since early childhood. I have put my mind, body and soul through Hell and back just looking for a way out of this cycle.  I know the desperation, I know the anger you feel inside when you look in the mirror and don't even recognize the person staring back at you. 

Find your WHY, what makes you  wake up each morning to face the day
 again, now let that be your driving force to  face your Fears, no matter how big or small they may be, your WHY will always be BIGGER <3

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