Monday, July 21, 2014

Overcoming My Fears

This past weekend my husband and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary in Catalina doing what we now love best, Scuba Diving!  We've been together 9 years now and are still going stronger than ever.  We've stood by one another during the hard times and always have given each other the support the other needs.  I'm so incredibly blessed to have this man in my life.  

This trip was much anticipated. We've been to Catalina a few times but always for work.  My husband loves teaching, this is where he just comes to life, no matter how many hours of sleep he's lost he's THERE.  I've sat by and watched student after student finish their certifications here with my husband and this weekend I finally got to be one of them! 

I dove to 100ft for my first time and got to see a bat ray, a fish the size of a human, seriously it was like a 300lb fish!  It was like swimming in a huge fish tank, in and out of the kelp.  Once my husband gets his gopro videos up I will share them on my personal Facebook page.  I also completed a NIGHT dive which I was terrified to do but it was the most beautiful experience ever!! I'm now an Advance Diver and my next goal is to move onto Rescue. 
 Two years ago, I never would have imagined me actually getting this far.  I was so afraid of the ocean, and all things in it.  It's because of my husband's continued support that I continue to do reach for more.   All of this, my Beachbody business, my goal to be a group fitness instructor, and reaching my own fitness goals probably would not have started if my husband hadn't decided to take a chance on his dream.  

I really believe the best thing my husband and I ever did for our marriage was to learn to communicate with one another.  Our dreams, our fears and our frustrations.  2 years ago, my husband wanted to get certified as a scuba diver for a Christmas gift, little did I know this was just the beginning.This was his passion, something he had dreamed about as a child.  And while I thought the class would be enough, it wasn't.  He wanted more and wanted me to join him. The thing is this was his dream...not mine.  I'm afraid of the ocean, or at least I was up until a few months ago in May when I finally got Certified.  It was the scariest thing I think I have ever done, but one of the most proudest moments for me, especially being able to share it with my husband who was my Instructor!   

The truth is, I was more afraid of what I couldn't do in the current physical shape I was then, 55 pounds heavier than I am today. I could barely walk up our stairs let alone throw on another 50lbs in dive gear and hit the ocean.  I let fear of failure, fear of others judging a 210lbs woman in a wet suit get to me.  This caused so much tension between us.  I've never doubted my husband or his his loyalty to our family, but when you're a stay at home mom, with 2 little ones, overweight, unhappy, depressed and your husband is out doing something like this without you...yeah, you can imagine the tension in brought into our relationship and the resentment I began to grow towards him.  
Why am I sharing something so personal with you all? Because I knew that the one that needed to change was ME not him. He was always willing to meet me in the middle but it was me that needed to get passed my insecurities.  That's the initial reason I set my first weight loss goal.  Watching my husband pursue something he loved was the best thing for us. It showed us how to compromise, support and love one another even more and it gave me the courage to fight for myself, and my dreams.  My kids are winner too! They have a much happier, healthier home and two parent who love, cherish and adore them. 

Don't let your fears take away your happiness.  I'm so fortunate that I have a partner in my life that loves, and supports me in life.   He's the most amazing father and our kids are so blessed to have him to look up to.   If you're going to do anything in life, do it with passion, with love and don't be afraid  what others might think.  If they truly love you, then their support could be just what you need to make it through the hard times. 

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